Les Mis: The Improv Version by Moi
by RainWillMakeTheFlowersGrow
Summary: So many questions: Why does Valjean think Enjolras is Marius? Who put Courfeyrac in charge of the revolution? When is Javert going to get back from poetry camp? And for heaven's sake, what is up with that extra who wants to change his name?
1. Chapter 1

So, apparently we are not allowed to have scripts. I should have read the guidelines better...Ah well. Here is Les Mis The Improv Version By Me Nonscriptified. Voila.

Toulon, France, 1814

"Look down, look down, don't look them in the eye."

"Look down, look down, you're here until you die."

Random prisoners sang this incredibly uplifting song while in the galleys. I don't know why.

"The sun is strong, it's hot as heck below."

"Look down, look down, I wish my name was Joe."

"What?" said the one from before.

"Well," said the one who wished his name was Joe, "it's such a nice name. I mean, it's much better than Edouard."

The other prisoner looked quite confused at this point. "Wait," he said, "your name is Edouard?!"

"Yes. But," he said, with a very sad expression, "I wish it was Joe."

"Whatever."

Javert stepped up. He was grumpy. This, actually, was his usual state, believe it or not. "Now, 24601, your time is up and your parole's begun. You know what that means," he barked, looking at one of the random prisoners who never appear in this story again (except the one he was barking at, and also Edouard).

"Yes, it means I'm FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"NO!" screamed Javert.

Jean Valjean (we might as well refer to him by name, though admittedly it does change quite a bit) pouted and said, "pooh. Javert, you're such a mean person. And a life ruiner. As in, you ruin people's lives. Like mine."

Javert snarled. "You think I care? Just take this stupid yellow paper and BE GONE WITH YOU."

Jean Valjean was thouroughly confused. Sadly, this happens several times to the poor bloke. "Wait," he said, "so I AM free?"

Javert was losing his patience. "Just-go-away."

"I'm not gonna argue."

Hooray. Jean Valjean is now free. He then proceeds to drink from a brook. How wonderful for him. Apparently, it tastes very fresh. I, personally, would never drink from a brook, as it could lead to several unpleasant diseases. Joly told me that. Anyway. Jean Valjean is having a grand old time. Not. He can't find a place to sleep! And have I mentioned, this guy has anger issues. I'm pretty sure he threatens a peasant woman. Anyway, he goes to a bishop. Because bishops are nice.

The bishop is a great singer, believe it or not. "Come in, sir, for you are weary…" he warbled.

Jean Valjean was also a control freak. "Are you sure that's how the song goes?" he asked.

The bishop looked at him, annoyed. "It's my only song, bro. I know how it goes. Anyway, there's wine and cheese and soup and food for you! Come and get it!"

"Thank thee, kindly sir." Jean Valjean has apparently decided that speaking in Old English will appease the bishop. The bishop agrees.

"Of course, sirrah!" the bishop exclaimed, "and, by the way, the nice sparkly silver is in that cabinet over there. Don't mind me-take some! It's free!"

Jean Valjean is a little obsessed with freedom at the moment. Not that I blame him. "Just like me! Didja know that, M. le Bishop?! I'm freeee! Yippeekieyay!"

Jean Valjean proceeded to take the silver and run away. As he was doing so, a random police officer dude stopped him.

"OH NO YOU DON'T. THAT'S THE BISHOP'S SILVER. GIVE IT BACK NOW Y'ALL," the random police officer dude said.

Jean Valjean was confused again. "But…but he gave it to meeeee!"

The random police officer dude raised one eyebrow disbelievingly. "We'd better check that, mister."

Jean Valjean humphed. "Fine," he said.

The random police officer dude dragged Jean Valjean back to the bishop's house.

The random police officer dude was very arrogant, self-assured, pompous, and bigheaded. He also had a large mole on his nose that was very unattractive.

"Monseigneur, _did _or _did not_ this man steal your silver? Rather, did you, in fact, _give_ it to him?" the random police officer dude said, raising one eyebrow again (he was very good at this).

"Yup!" said the kindly bishop, "And also some candlesticks! 'Cause I'm awesome that way. And I really wanted to give tin plates a try, even though-"

The random police officer dude interrupted the bishop's explanation of why he had given Jean Valjean the silver by wailing despondently. "THERE IS NO WAY TO GO OOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNN!" he cried.

Jean Valjean was watching. He was also smirking. "Told ya so."

The random police officer dude ran off, tearing at his hair and altogether looking quite mad. He does not appear again, and it is hoped that he did not, in fact, jump off a bridge like his idol (Javert) attempts to later (plot spoiler alert. Actually, it's too late. If you are reading this, you already read the plot spoiler). Sadly, we do not know the random police officer dude's fate. Although mayhap I shall write a fanfic about how it drastically changed his life. Or not. Who knows? Not me. Anyway, back to the story.

Jean Valjean is overjoyed and feels like he is going to explode. Or maybe it's just that the bishop was serving beans last night. Again, we shall never know. Anyway, he is supposed to do his stupid soliloquy about now. Unfortunately, however…

"I don't want to," said Jean Valjean.

That is unfortunate, as we cannot threaten the main character in whatever nonsense we are writing with death so early on.


	2. Chapter 2

Bonjour Readers! This is tough to write! Idk, do you think i(the nonitalicized person) am better at writing humor or nonhumor? PM or review. I am not asking for reviews. Let me make that clear. You have the right to whether or not you want to review and i am NOT going to beg for reviews...*cough, italicized person, cough*. Anyway i am sick with a fever [Joly runs away screaming] and am home and looking for something to do so if you like this, it would make me feel better if i knew. Anyway, nine lovely floaty not-so-hot-for-Fantine years later, in Montrieul-sur-Mer...

"I'M THE MAYYYOOOR!" screamed Jean Valjean. How he got this position, I do, in fact, know. He discovered a cheap way of making jet. Now, he has lots of lovely factories and lots of lovely money and lots of other stuff.

A factory foreman (who is not in the book) is overseeing a bunch of women making something. He does not appear to notice the fact that they are singing. I guess singing was approved by overseers in France in the nineteenth century? Or maybe it's just that they're all Miserable. Geddit? Anyway…

"Fantine," said the director nastily and nasally (he was recovering from a nasty sinus infection), "I read your mail and you have a kid so BWAHAHAHA…you're fired."

Fantine looked up from where she was singing and made a sad face. "Dang," she said.

The foreman was also smoking something, I think. Anyway, he was high. "HEEHEEHEE! GET OUTTA HERE!" he said with a crazy look in his eye. I'm telling you, this guy was high.

Fantine, walking around the streets of Montreuil-sur-Mer, decided that her life stunk. "Dang, I got fired. Wow, my life stinks," she said.

A lovely (not really) lady, who I believe was also on fumes, aside from being extremely ugly, waddled over to Fantine. "Oooooh, come on now Fantine do un-K+ rated fanfic stuff! Because, obviously, it's the only other job in Montreuil-sur-Mer."

"Ok but this could be awkward so let's just gloss over it."

"Ok."

Later, Fantine was attacked by a mean dude. He shoved snow down her dress. Seeing as it was cold and dark, this was not a nice thing to do. He was very inconsiderate, if you ask me. Which you don't, so whatever.

Javert was standing somewhere nearby. He was very menacing looking. And also had some very impressive sideburns, if we hadn't already mentioned this.

"WHAT'S GOIN' ON?!" asked Javert, "WHO SLAPPED THIS GUY?!"

Fantine was apparently not the sharpest crayon in the box. Or maybe crayons haven't been invented yet. But crayon means pencil in French, so…whatever. This is hurting my brain. Fantine was apparently not the sharpest crayon in the box. "Oh yeah, I slapped him," she said. "Also, I got a haircut."

Javert was grumpy. Again. "THAT'S IT! OFF TO JAIL WITH YOU! NO HAIRCUTS ALLOWED!"

"Dang. This is not my day."


	3. Chapter 3

Bonjour Readers! let me apologize for not updating. I have a knee injury. It is painful. so there. This is a nice long one to make up for that.

Just then, Mayor Madeline walked up! He was actually Jean Valjean but, as I warned you earlier, his name changes at least three times! Yay! Victor Hugo, kudos to you for being incredibly good at confusing people! Anyway…

"Hey! I'm the mayor!" said the mayor.

Javert was on his last (and only) shred of patience. "That," he said between his teeth, "is not what you're supposed to say, _bro_."

Jean Valjean was also rather slow on the uptake. "Did you just call me bro?" he asked. "And I _like_ being the mayor!"

Javert was on, like, the last molecule of patience. It must have been hard work for him. Sometimes I wonder that that guy didn't just have a heart failure and die. "Well," he said shortly, "too bad. Bonjour, M'sieur le maire! I am just sending this gal to jail. NO need for you to interfere."

Fantine did not like Monsieur Madeline. "You stink, M. le maire," she said.

Monsieur Madeline was not used to people criticizing him. He did, after all, help homeless people, orphans, and widows on a daily basis. Plus, he was rich and influential. "WHAT?! I'm awesome! That's not a nice thing to say." He then noticed Javert, who was extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, impatient.

"Are you going to stop me or can I just SEND THIS WOMAN TO JAIL WHERE SHE BELONGS FOR GETTING AN AWFUL HAIRCUT?!"

"Hey," said Fantine, who was insulted by Javert's complete lack of tact, "I, in fact, like my new style. At least, I am trying to. You know, like Anne Hathaway. That lady is amazing. I can do awesome stuff, too. Like time travel. And-"

"WHO AM I?" belted out Jean Valjean for no particular reason.

Everyone looked at him, quite surprised at his identity crisis.

"2! 4!6!0! 1!" shouted out Jean Valjean.

"Whoops. I'm dead," said Fantine. We are suddenly transported to her deathbed, in a hospital, with creepy lighting.

"Ha ha! Fantine's dead!" said Javert quietly. He was standing in a corner with creepy lighting, trying not to let Jean Valjean see him. It worked.

"Ha ha! Fantine's dead! Oh wait, she was cool. Rats. Ah non! Now I've gotta raise this dead chick's kid!" Valjean lamented. Just then, he saw Javert hiding in a corner.

The most annoying song to sing in the shower ever is about to occur With the possible exception of One Day More, though this one is difficult. Singing in counterpoint with yourself is tricky. Trust me. Le Confrontation!

Javert stepped out of the shadows. He strode over, grinning evilly. "Valjean! At last! We see each other plain! M'sieur le maire, you'll wear a different chaaaiiiin!" he sang, still managing to grin evilly.

Valjean was not amused. He cut right in. "Before you say another word, Javert," he exclaimed, "before you chain me up like a slave again-"

Javert suddenly cut across Valjean. "Blah blah blah we're singing at the same time, who cares because you can't understand me anyway and that kind of defeats the point…"

"Listen to me!" yelled Valjean. Then Javert's words made sense, and he said lamely, "oh, um… Okeydokey, I guess."

"YOU KNOW NOTHING OF JAVERT!

Valjean was confused. Again. He tried to let Javert know that he did, indeed, know things of Javert. "Well," he said, "I know that you're an obsessive police inspector…"

"I WAS BORN INSIDE A JAIL!"

"Well, I did not know that. Why would you tell me?" asked Valjean, speaking aloud.

"I WAS BORN WITH SCUM LIKE YOU!"

Valjean balked. "Depressing much? Heeeeeeey…did you just call me scum?!"

"I AM FROM THE GUTTER, TOO!"

Valjean was defensive now. "Hey, I am not scum OR from the gutter, mister. BLAH BLAH I CAN'T HEEEAAARRR YOOUUU!"

Valjean looked around and saw a lovely board, right in the hospital. I have no idea what it was doing there. He looked at it with crazy eyes. Then, he turned towards Javert and raised the board over his head.

CRACK! The board made this noise as it hit Javert in the noggin. Javert immediately began to see…stars!

Javert smiled crazily and began to warble. "STARS…IN YOUR MULTITUDE….SCARCE TO BE COUNTED, FILLING THE DARKNESS, WITH…um…STARRINESS…I…THINK…IM…gonna…pass…out…" Then Javert passed out. It was funny.

Jean Valjean smiled crazily and began to skip. "I'm off to steal the slave girl, the wonderful slave girl Cosette!" he sang.

When he got to the inn, he tried to steal Cosette! Then he was stopped by Thénardier!

"OH NO YOU DI-INT!" Thenardier crowed. He shook his finger at Jean Valjean and said, "GIMME MONEY!"

Jean Valjean smiled like a crazy person and said, "Ok!"

Thenardier was not satisfied. "MORE MONEY!"

Jean Valjean kept smiling. "Ok!"

Thenardier was not satisfied. "MORE MONEY!"

Jean Valjean was a rich and crazy person. "Ok!"

Thenardier was happy and satisfied at last. "BE GONE WITH YOU!"

Jean Valjean had an awkward flashback to when Javert said BE GONE WITH YOU. "AAAH!" he said, "wait…so I AM free?"

Thenardier looked a little worried for Jean Valjean's sanity. "Um…yes…?" he said. But thenardier was used to weirder stuff. This was no biggie. Thenardier grabbed a random bottle and chugged it because I wanted him to.

Madame Thenardier looked at Thenardier with a murderous look. "HUBBY, WHY DIDN'T YOU GET MORE MONEY?! Let's sing that song we missed before.

Thenardier smiled at his bottle of *something*. "OK! MASTA OF DA HOUSE. I FORGET THE WORDS. QUICK TO CATCH UR EYE. NEVER WANTS A PASSERBY TO PASS 'IM BYE. LOTS OF BAD FOOD HERE EAT 'EM UP! FOOOOOOD, GLOOORRRIIOUUS FOOOOOOD!"

Madame Thenarder's jaw dropped. "Why do you forget the words to your own song? And that last bit is from Oliver! Not Les Mis.

"I DUNNO!"

"You are drunk."

"WHOOPEE! EVERYONE RAISE A GLASS TO THE MASTER OF THE HOUSE! Wait, where's Colette? I thought she was back from getting water from the oh-so-scary Well In The Woods?

Madame Thenardier rolled her eyes. "We just sold her to some dark stranger in a coat, you idiot."

Thenardier smiled drunkenly. "Oh yeah!"

Meanwhile, outside, Jean Valjean was learning the secrets to parenting.

"Can I have that doll?" asked Cosette.

"Um…SURE! Here you are! I know! Giving her whatever she wants will be the key to parenting! I am a genius!


	4. Chapter 4

TEN…YEARS…LATER…

Some poor people of Paris started copying the random prisoners' song. "Look down, look down, pity us 'cause we're poor. Look down, look down, we're dirty and we're sore."

Just then an awesome, fiery, cute gamin showed up! "How d'ya do my name's Gavroche!"

The poor people of Paris sang all the louder. "Look down, and see, the sweeping of the street."

Gavroche, annoyed, said, "stop interrupting my awesome song just because you know it's awesomer than yours and all you get is a stupid REPRISE. Anywayyyy…these are my people, here's my patch! Nothing to look at, nothing posh, -

"LOOK DOWN, LOOK DOWN."

"NOTHING THAT YOU'D CALL UP TO SCRATCH! OR ME, BECAUSE MY STUPID PATCH KEEPS INTERRUPTING ME."

One poor person of Paris was strangely familiar… "LOOK DOWN, AND SHOW, SOME MERCY IF YOU CAN. LOOK DOWN, LOOK DOWN, I WISH MY NAME WAS DAN."

Gavroche was confused. Though not as confused as Jean Valjean has known to be. "Wait," he said, "I thought your name was Edouard."

Edouard (Or Joe or Dan, whichever you like) sniffed and said, "awful, ain't it?"

"LOOK DOWN LOOK DOWN LOOK DOWN."

Gavroche was very mad. "THIS IS MY FOLK, MY HIGH SOCIETY! HERE ON THE SLUMS OF SAN MICHELLE!" Then he started singing so shrilly that all the windows shattered.

That shut the people of Paris up, poor or not. "All our windows are shattering! Whatever shall we do?!" they said.

Gavroche, anger subsided at the sight of hundreds of windows shattering at his command, said, "I don't know. Let's tell everyone about politics. THERE WAS A TIME WE KILLED THE KING, WE TRIED TO CHANGE THE WORLD TOO FAST. NOW WE HAVE GOT ANOTHER KING, HE'S NO BETTER THAT THE LAST. So we obviously need to kill him again. Anyway, HERE IS THE THING ABOUT EQUALITY, EVERYONE'S EQUAL WHEN THEY'RE DEAD. TAKE YOUR PLACE. TAKE YOUR CHANCE. VIVE LA FRANCE. **_VIVE LA FRANCE!"_**

Suddenly, Marius sighed. He smiled and drooled slightly. A wild look was in his eyes. "OMG OMG A PRETTY GIRL I MUST MARRY HER."

Eponine walked over. "Hiya, Marius. OOOOPS, can't talk right now because IT'S JAAAVVVEEERRRRRRRTTTTT!"

Everyone scattered.

Javert, confused, said to no one in particular, "why on earth did he run?"

Thenardier randomly popped out, posed as a poor person. "Why did who run?"

"That guy over there. The rich-looking one.

"I know! He's Jean Valjean!"

"REEAALLLYYY!?

"Yup. Can I have money now?

Javert ignored thenardier.

Thenardier rolled his eyes and grumbled, "well, I know when I'M wanted.

Javert was all crazy eyed. "I MUST FIND VALJEAN BECAUSE I AM OBSESSIVE!"

Thenardier was slowly backing away. "Ok, ok, ok…"

Marius, meanwhile, was also looking for someone. "TELL ME WHERE SHE LIVES, PONINNNE."

Eponine, confused, asked, "who? Do you want me to stalk someone for you?!"

"YES. PLEASE STALK COSETTE BECAUSE SHE IS SO MUCH PRETTIER THAN YOU."

Eponine was severely hurt by this comment. "NO!" she cried, "I WILL NOT MARIUS I AM NOT YOUR PAWN AND I AM DITCHING YOU. WE ARE NEVER EVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER. LIKE, EVER."

Marius, the poor boy, was confused. "EPONINE! NO! WHO ELSE WILL STALK HER FOR ME?! AND WE NEVER _WERE _TOGETHER!

Eponine smirked. "I'm going to the Musain. Maybe I'll find a new boyfriend."

"NOOOOOOOOOO!..."


	5. Chapter 5

LATER, AT THE CAFÉ MUSAIN…..

Enjolras was excited. Leaning into the table, he stood up. "Alright, bros, it's almost time for the revolution!" he said.

Les Amis said, "YAY!"

"But I might gatch another gold!" said Joly, the cute and endearingly hypochondriac Ami.

Enjolras rolled his eyes at Joly. "Shut up, Joly. I'm trying to be inspiring here."

He cleared his throat to start speaking again, when Eponine walked in. "Alright," she said, "I ditched Marius. Who wants to be my boyfriend?!" she asked excitedly.

Les Amis said nothing.

Except Courfeyrac, who said "um".

And Enjolras, who yelled, "SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO BE INSPIRING HERE!'

Eponine jerked her head around. "I'm not stopping until I get a boyfriend. I am NOT singing On My Own. That song is NOT FUN. It makes me feel depressed and bad about myself, and my therapist told me those weren't good feelings."

Enjolras said nothing.

Eponine said, "so there."

Enjolras said nothing.

Eponine, saddening, said, "Will NO ONE be my boyfriend?!"

Enjolras, not wanting to be disturbed at his inspirational speeches again, said, irritated, "what the heck. I'm your boyfriend. Happy now?"

Eponine beamed. "Yes! You are very handsome."

Enjolras gave her the Glare-o-Death and said, "Anyway, back to planning the revolution. I get some pretty awesome songs, so I am singing them. Ready?"

Les Amis said, "couldn't be more ready! That was quite a scene!"

Joly said, "gouldn't be more weady! Dat was quite a scene!"

Enjolras smiled and launched into song. "At Notre Dame the sections are prepared…"

Marius popped up and said, "wait. Those parts weren't even in the movie."

As everyone gasped at Marius' daring to rebuff Enjolras' singing, Grataire said, "where were you, Marius? You're late!"

Marius rolled his eyes. "I know."

Grantaire smiled and said, "some wine and say what's going ooooon!"

Marius looked at Grantaire earnestly and said, "well, you of all people really don't need more wine, R, but if you must know I saw a pretty girl and now I must marry her.

Les Amis were agog and aghast.

Grantaire said, "what the heck. Go for it, Marius. Enjolras got a girlfriend today, too!"

Marius was agog and aghast. "…Enjolras?! But…"

Eponine looked at Marius. "Yah, take that, bro. I told you I was ditching you and I wasn't lying."

Marius blusteringly replied, "well," he cleared his throat and began to sing again, "if you'd been thee today, you might know how it feels, to be struck to the bone in a moment of breathless delight."

Eponine looked scathingly at Marius. "I was there. And no, I'm not feeling it. However, being here with Enjolras has really been wonderful.

Enjolras turned red and said angrily, "we barely kknow each other!"

Eponine looked lovingly into his eyes and said, "can it be only a day since we met and the world was reborn?"

Marius was turning red now, but from anger. "THAT'S IT!" he said, "NO STEALING LINES FROM ME ABOUT THE PRETTY GIRL!"

Eponine smirked. "Watch me. Life without 'Jolras means nothing at all! Would you weep, 'Jolras, should Eponine fall? Would you weep, Jolras, for me?" she sang.

"'JOLRAS?! EVEN IF I LIKED YOU I WOULDN'T LET YOU CALL ME 'JOLRAS!" yelled Enjolras.

"THAT'S MY LINE TO THE PRETTY GIRL!" yelled Marius.

"AND WE'RE NOT EVEN AT THE BARRICADE YET!" yelled Enjolras.

"SO STOP STEALING MY LINES!" yelled Marius.

"Did Enjolras and Marius just agree on something?!" said Combeferre. "I must record this!"

The Enjolras and Marius in question glared at Combeferre, who immediately fell down at the intensity of the Glare-o-Death.

Eponine meekly said, "why don't we switch scenes before someone gets killed, ok?"

"NO! I didn't get to sing my awesome song!"

Les Amis sighed, then said, "fine. RED!"

"I FEEL MY SOUL ON FIRE!" burst out Eponine.

"BLACK!"

"MY WORLD IF HE'S NOT THERE!"

"RED!"

"MY VISION BECAUSE I DIDN'T GET MY SONG!" screamed Enjolras.

"BLACK!"

"ENJOLRAS, WEEEEE DOOOOOONNN'TTT CAAARRRREEE!" screamed Marius.

Grantaire pouted and said, "I care about Enjolras' feelings."

Everyone glared at Grantaire. Marius rolled his eyes and said, "well, no one else does. Ok?"

Suddenly… "HOW DARE YOU MOCK MY BOYFRIEND!?"

Marius looked nervously at Éponine, and said, "um, can we please switch scenes now?"

Les Amis said, "YES!"

Enjolras said, "NO!"

Gavroche said, "Lamarque is dead!"

There was silence. Les Amis said, "WHAT!? That's awful!"

Joly said, "WHAT!? Dat's awful." Then everybody rolled their eyes at Joly.

Enjolras said, "WHAT?! HE WAS AWESOME! LAMARQUE, HIS DEATH IS THE HOUR OF FATE, THE PEOPLE'S MAN, HIS DEATH, IS THE SIGN WE AAAAWWWAAAAAIIIIT! ON HIS FUNERAL DAY THEY WILL HONOR HIS NAME, WITH THE FLAME OF REBELLION ABLAZE IN THEIR EYES. BLAH BLAH BLAH. WE WILL BUILD A BARRICADE ON HIS TOMB. GRAVE. WHATEVER. LET US TAKE TO THE STREETS WITH NO DOUBT IN OUR HEARTS! BUT A JUBILANT SHOUT! THEY WILL COME ONE AND ALL! THEY WILL COME WHEN WEEEEE CALLLLLLL! Whew, I am out of breath."

Eponine clapped and said, "yay, Enjy! You are soooooooo inspirational!"

Enjolras said nothing.


	6. Chapter 6

Bonjour Readers! Here it is! and thank you all, lovely people (not lovely ladies, that's just wrong) for making me feel happy by reviewing. Thank you, PhoenixGirl97 because u make me smile. And Om. And all you others. But those ppl have been sticking with me throughout. YAY! :) voila! Tell me what u think! :)

Then Marius got his wish at last. There was a scene switch. General Lamarque's Funeral Procession.

Enjolras glared passionately at the National Guard, who were leading the procession. Suddenly, he burst into song! "A LA VOLONTÉ DU PEUPLE! ET A LA SANTE DU PROGRÈS ! REMPLI TON CŒUR D'UN VIN REBELLE ET A DEMAIN, AMI FIDÈLE ! NOUS VOLONS FAIRE LA LUMIÈRE, -"

Les Amis said, " Dude, this is the English version. Stop singing in French."

Enjolras turned to them and said, "but the French version is so much better!"

Les Amis said, "yeah but since this is written in English why don't we just stick to Do You Hear The People Sing."

Enjolras looked at them skeptically. "But we're in Paris!"

Les Amis said, "but we want people reading this to understand us."

Enjolras gave them the Glare-o-Death™. "Whatever."

Les Amis sighed in relief.

Enjolras started singing. "DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING?!"

Marius stared at him. "Um, yes, doy," he said.

Les Amis glared at Marius.

Enjolras gave Marius the Glare-o-Death™.

Marius fell down.

Enjolras looked relieved and said, quite calmly for him, "I am going to try this one more time. DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING? SINGING THE SONGS OF ANGRY MEN. IT IS THE MUSIC OF A PEOPLE WHO WILL NOT BE SLAVES AGAIN! WHEN THE BEATING OF YOUR HEART ECHOES THE BEATING OF THE DRUMS, THERE IS A LIFE ABOUT TO START WHEN TOMORROW COMES!"

Combeferre looked at Enjolras curiously. "Can your heart really hear the beating of the drums? And did you know that drums have been used in funerals for years? So is it a metaphor? Or some bizarre kind of foreshadowing that we are all going to die? Or—"

Enjolras was glaring at Combeferre very hard. But not quite Glare-o-Death™ hard. "SING-YOUR-LINES-BEFORE-I-GET-MADDER," he said through gritted teeth.

Combeferre shrugged and said, "fine. WILL YOU JOIN IN OUR CRUSADE, WHO WILL BE STRONG AND STAND WITH ME?"

Marius asked, "is that a rhetorical question?"

Combeferre looked anxiously at Enjolras, then turned to Marius and said in an undertone, "no. Shut up, Marius. BEYOND THE BARRICADE IS THERE A WORLD YOU LONG TO SEE? THEN JOIN IN THE FIGHT THAT WILL GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO BE FREE!"

Les Amis all joined. "DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING?!"

Enjolras, meanwhile, was stubbornly going with the original lyrics, all while trying to drown out everyone else. And he had a very loud voice. « **A LA VOLONTÉ DU PEUPLE?** **ET A LA SANTE DU PROGRÈS. REMPLI TON CŒUR D'UN VIN REBELLE ET A DEMAIN, AMI FIDÈLE ! NOUS VOLONS FAIRE LA LUMIÈRE, MALGRÉ LA MASQUE DE LA NUIT- »**

"THERE IS A LIFE A—"

«**-NOTRE TERRE ET CHANGER LA VIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! »**

Enjolras smiled satisfactly.

Les Amis rolled their eyes at their leader.

Eponine said, "yay! You got to sing in French!"

Enjolras gave Eponine the Glare-o-Death™.

Marius stood back up.

Enjolras looked at his fellow student revolutionaries and said, "LET'S BUILD A BARRICADE!"

Les Amis yelled, "WHOOPEE!"

Enjolras said, "ok, here's the plan. We are going to be awesome, and build a barricade…where should we build our barricade?!"

Grantaire, Bahorel, and Bossuet, who had been getting drunk in a wine shop, noticed this. "Here!" shouted Grantaire.

Enjolras considered this for a second and nodded. "Ok! Hey all you poor people of Paris! And student revolutionaries! STUDENTS, WORKERS, EVERYONE, THERE'S A RIVER ON THE RUN! LIKE—"

"Stop. Wrong song," said Combeferre.

Enjolras nodded and said, "WE'RE GONNA BUILD A BARRICADE!" Then he started to hyperventilate.

People threw furniture from the sky! An omnibus was overturned and the horses set loose! A BARRICADE WAS BUILT!"

Enjolras surveyed the barricade and smiled. "Here on these stones we build our barricade—"

"GIMME MY TABLE BACK!" an angry French person yelled.

There was silence. The person looked at all the young men in the barricade, armed with guns, swords, bayonets, and a Nerf gun (ok not really. I just like the idea of Jean Prouvaire with a Nerf gun. Because he's my second favorite Ami. Aside from Enjolras. And I like his flowers and poetry. (: ), and backed slowly away.


	7. Chapter 7

Bonjour Readers! Ok, so i cannot send a private mesage to a guest, here is what a nerf gun is, PhoenixGirl97. It is a plastic gun that fires foam darts.

"Now, here's the plan," started Enjolras.

"I'b hungry," said Joly.

"I'm hungry," said all the other Amis.

Except Grantaire. He was drunk.

Enjolras said, "well, I don't care."

Marius' eyes got big and he wailed, "about my lonely soul?! WAAAAAHH! Eponine, surely YOU care?"

Eponine smirked at Marius. "Nope," she said, as twenty-first century music started playing, "you're just somebody that I used to know!"

Marius, through his bawls, screamed, "STOP! STOP SINGING INSULTS AT ME! IT MAKES ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF!"

"STOP FIGHTING!" Enjolras screamed. Then he gave them the Glare-o-Death™.

Everyone in the barricade shut up and listened to Enjolras.

Enjolras cleared his throat. "Much better. Now, as I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted, here's the plan. When they storm the barricade, and all the people come to our aid, we start shouting jubilantly. Ok?"

"What if we get shot?" asked Marius.

Enjolras gave Marius the Glare-o-Death™. Marius fell down.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, came…Jean Valjean!

"I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!" he yelled.

Les Amis looked at Jean Valjean weirdly.

Enjolras looked at Jean Valjean. "How do we know you're not a spy, huh?" he asked.

Jean Valjean started to tear up. He yelled defiantly, "because Prim's my sister!"

Les Amis looked at Jean Valjean weirdly. So did Enjolras.

Marius, excited, said, "wait, you imagine things too?!"

Enjolras, a little weirded out, said slowly, "maybe…maybe you should go lie down."

Jean Valjean said, "yeah, maybe I should."

As the sun set over the barricade, Grantaire stood up and began to sing. "Drink with me…"

"HAYMITCH!" Jean Valjean cried, standing bolt upright.

Grantaire looked very, very, weirded out. "Who the heck ARE you?!" he asked.

Jean Valjean stared at Grantaire, as if it should be obvious. "I'm Katniss Everdeen!" he said. "Really, Haymitch? I would have thought you would at least RECOGNIZED me."

Les Amis backed away slowly.

Marius, confused, said, "I thought you were Fauchelevent, the father of my beloved Urlsule!"

Jean Valjean made a funny little spasm, shook, and finally said, "whew. I'm glad that's over. Suddenly, I get the most bizarre desire to be a fictional character from the distant future."

Les Amis continued to back away slowly and grip their weapons very tightly. Jean Prouvaire's flower-painted Nerf gun shook in his hand.

Suddenly, someone stepped out of nowhere. "I VOLUNTEER!" shouted Javert.

Enjolras' forehead creased, and he said, "Not another one!"

Les Amis groaned.

Javert said, with a little too much enthusiasm, "I can go spy behind enemy lines!"

Enjolras gave Javert the Glare-o-Death™. "And then go be some random character from The Hunger Games, presumably?"

Gavroche looked closely at Javert. He took a deep breath and screamed, "IT'S JAAAVVVEEERRRTTT!"

Marius looked in surprise at Gavroche. "Wow!" he said, "You have the same sneeze as your sister! And the same impressive lung capacity!"

Les Amis stared at Marius.

Enjolras, looking suspicious, said, "wait… Gavroche, could you repeat that? Quieter, and not so stretched-out?"

Gavroche nodded and said, very quietly and fast, "It'sjavert!"

Enjolras was losing his patience. "CAN YOU JUST SAY WHATEVER IT IS YOU WERE GOING TO SAY NORMALLY?!"

Gavroche, wide-eyed, said normally, "it's Javert!"

Enjolras looked at Gavroche, alarmed. "JAVERT?! WHERE!?"

Eponine, who had been scrutinizing everyone since Gavroche had yelled the first time (for, being his sister and having yelled the same thing before, knew what he had said), suddenly pointed to the new "volunteer." "THERE! THAT'S THE GUY THAT ARRESTED ME! HE'S WITH THE POLICE!"

Les Amis cried, alarmed, "The Police?!"

Joly cried, alarmed, "Da Poweeze?!"

Eponine triumphantly said, "yes! Enjy, I suggest tying him to a pole.

Enjolras, for lack of any better idea, agreed. Javert was tied to the pole that was in the center of the Corinthe.


	8. In Which I Change The Whole Plot

Bonjour Readers! Thank you for all the lovely reviewses! i am changing the whole plot of the story now! so, Its MINE! Plus, Victor Hugo is dead. I am not. So I am Not Victor Hugo. So there. But i refuse to give up claim on my plot twist. So there. ha.

Also, for those of you who like to read angst fics as well, I am going to start a little angst ficlet series about Les Amis' deaths. Questions? Comments? Ideas? Will be starting up tomorrow or the next day or the next day. Please please tell me what u think! I do in fact enjoy writing angst as well as humor. Idk why. But yeah. Review with ideas and i might include them because i have no idea where it will go. Ok? They will be non-OOC, completely canon. Thanks! And here is your improv les miz!

As soon Enjolras came back out of the Corinthe, Jean Valjean shoved him aside, yelling, "SNIPERS!"

He then proceeded to shoot the snipers that were aiming for the revolutionary leader.

Enjolras looked at him and said quietly, "character-from-the-distant-future or not, you have saved my life. I am forever indebted to you, monsieur."

Jean Valjean said calmly, "it was nothing." Then, not-as-calmly, he yelled, "RUN, PEETA!" to a very confused Enjolras.

Enjolras muttered, "I feel stupid. I feel as if I am Marius."

Meanwhile, Jean Valjean shuddered and his mind popped back into nineteenth-century France. "Wait," he said, "I only caught that last part… 'I am Marius'…WAIT! YOU'RE Marius?! I MUST TAKE YOU TO COSETTE!" Jean Valjean then proceeded to hit Enjolras over the head with his gun and drag the unfortunate revolutionary down the sewers.

"MY BOYFRIEND!" shrieked Eponine

As Jean Valjean was traversing the sewers of Paris, he heard Eponine's shriek and any doubts that he had Marius were dispelled. After all, Eponine was always pining after Marius.

Les Amis, shell-shocked, stood gaping. They never expected to see their leader be hit over the head and dragged into a sewer.

Courfeyrac smiled. "Well, I guess I'm the leader by default. ALRIGHT, EVERYBODY! LET'S PARTY LIKE IT'S 1832! WOOP WOOP!"

Les Amis started cheering. Red and Black streamers went up. A disco ball almost went up, too, but luckily Combeferre, being sensible, decided that that was not a good idea.

"WHO'S THERE?!" screamed the National Guard.

Courfeyrac looked at Les Amis with a funny smile. All of them were trying not to laugh. He stood, bold, atop the barricade and yelled in a loud, clear, voice, "…..SPANISH INQUISITION!"

The National Guard's mouth dropped open. He looked very confused.

Courfeyrac continued, "BARRICADE PARTY! COME AT ME, BRO!"

The National Guard nervously licked his lips and said, "um…I wasn't expecting that…"

Courfeyrac, now shaking at the effort of trying not to laugh, shouted, "WE HAVE CROISSANTS! AND CRÊPES! AND COQ AU VIN!"

Inside the barricade, Grantaire mad a face and said, "ewww, rooster feet. Why do we even eat that stuff?"

"LEAVE NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE!"

The National Guard, embarrassed and spluttering, tried again. "uhm, uhm, WHY THROOOOOW YOUR LIVES AWAAAY?"

Grantaire answered this one. "YOLO!"

Les Amis looked at Grantaire and said nothing.

The National Guard, whose face was tomato red, muttered to his troops, "I like parties. What the heck. C'mon, now, troops. We are going to leave these nice Amis alone to have their party."

As the National Guard retreated and lots of cheering went down, Courfeyrac said, "…I think that means we won."

Les Amis screamed, "YAY!"

Courfeyrac picked up the Big Red Flag and said, "well, let's march up and down the streets, informing everyone that We are the Republic and the Republic is not mocked!"

Javert (who I bet you forgot about, all tied up to a pole as he was) screamed, "DON'T MOCK MY LINE! DON'T MOCK MY LINE!"

Courfeyrac, distracted, looked at Javert. "…I forgot about this guy, all tied up to a pole as he was. What should we do with him?"

Javert got a strange look in his eyes and replied, "I don't care. I am just going to jump off a bridge because I think I need to relearn moral standards. I just saw 24601 being nice to someone and pretending to be someone called Katniss Everdeen. So I am really messed up. You annoy me; shoot me rather."

Courfeyrac looked very confused. "…I wish Enjolras was here…," he said.

"Me too!" said Grantaire. Les Amis rolled their eyes at him.

Javert cried, "oh, woe is me!"

Joly looked at Javert with distaste. "Ab least you are'nd sig. Den you would be in worse gondition," he said.

Javert dramatically launched into verse. "Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a-"

Jean Prouvaire glared at Javert. "My poetry is better than yours."

"-tapping-"

"SHUT UP!"

Javert pouted, rather upset at being shown up by, of all the Amis, Jean Prouvaire.

"Um, can we just get rid of him?" asked Courfeyrac pointedly.

"I'LL DO IT," said Prouvaire.

"Ok."

Jean Prouvaire then proceeded to take Javert to Poetry Camp, in the hope that he learned to stop plagiarizing Edgar Allen Poe and start to write semi-decent poetry. This in itself was torture enough for poor Javert, but I must say that Prouvaire liked it rather a lot.


	9. Chapter 9

Bonjour Readers! Rather short but...ah well.

Back to the Barricade.

Courfeyrac gathered Les Amis. "Ok," he said, "here's the plan."

"You're starting to sound like Enjolras!" noted Combeferre, "I wonder if it's the stress of leading such a diverse group of people, or-"

"That's not good. Anyway, we are going to march through the streets of Paris with Enjolras' Big Red Flag!"

"YAY!"

Les Amis, led by Courfeyrac, thus proceeded to do such. It was incredibly awesome. I mean, it was INCREDIBLY AWESOME. They sang Do You Hear The People Sing! In English!

They also had a running chant. It went,** «** **VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION ! VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION ! VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION ! VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION ! VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION ! VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION ! VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION ! VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION ! VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION ! VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION ! VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION ! VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION !** J'aime vin ! Fermer la bouche, R**. VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION ! VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION ! VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION ! VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION ! VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION ! VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION ! VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION ! VIVE LA FRANCE ! VIVE LA RÉPUBLIQUE ! VIVE LE RÉVOLUTION ! »**


	10. Chapter 10

Bonjour Readers! yep im back with more crazy stuff. Enjolras is back!

Jean Valjean grunted and staggered into M. Gillenormand's house. Here he deposited an unconscious Enjolras onto the sofa.

Jean Valjean smiled crazily at Monsieur Gillenormand. "Look!" he cried, "I brought your grandson back!"

M. Gillenormand looked at Jean Valjean. "Who the heck are you?! That's not my grandson!"

Jean Valjean looked, amazed, at M. Gillenormand. "But…but…but…I dragged him all the way through the sewers and everthing to get him back to you and Cosette! So that he wouldn't die at the barricade!"

At this, Enjolras' eyelids fluttered and he muttered (heehee that rhymes.), "did someone say barricade…?"

Jean Valjean looked at Enjolras, very relieved. "Marius! Thank goodness you're awake! Are you allright?! I'm so sorry I had to hit you over the head with my gun…"

"Marius?! I am NOT Marius!"

Jean Valjean said nothing. He just stood there looking kind of awkward.

Enjolras rolled his eyes and sighed. "Let me guess. You are Marius' 'pretty girl's' father, who tried to be a nice dad by rescuing me from the barricade so we could get married? Am I right?"

Jean Valjean stared. "….wow, you're good."

Enjolras looked slightly alarmed.

Gillenormand, who was still standing there, said, "um…Vive Louis-Philippe?"

At which Enjolras launched into full-revolutionary-leader-speechiness-mode. Hm. Apparently speechiness is not a word. I don't care.

"LOUIS-PHILIPPE?! THE PEAR?! NON! MONSIEUR, YOU ARE A BLOODY ROYALIST PIG! LOUIS-PHILIPPE COULD CARE LESS ABOUT HOW THE PEOPLE IN HIS COUNTRY ARE TREATED, OUR COUNTRY, OUR PEOPLE! THE PEOPLE OF PARIS STARVE IN THE STREETS! AND DOES THIS KING OF OURS DO ANYTHING? NO! INSTEAD, HE SITS BACK, CONTENT WITH HIMSELF. WE, THE PEOPLE OF FRANCE, HAVE THE RIGHT TO ELECT OUR OWN LEADERS. WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE WHAT HAPPENS TO US! HOW LONG WILL THIS TYRANNY CONTINUE!? WE NEED A REPUBLIC! WE—"

"**ENJY!** I FOUND YOU!" Eponine burst in.

Enjolras turned, flushed from his shouting, and said, "don't call me Enjy!"

But Eponine wasn't listening anymore. She had turned on Valjean. "YOU. YOU, YOU, YOU…YOU HIT MY BOYFRIEND OVER THE HEAD WITH A GUN AND KIDNAPPED HIM! AND NOW HE HAS POO IN HIS LOVELY GOLDEN CURLS!"

Both Enjolras and Valjean looked at Eponine. They spoke at the same time.

"LOVELY GOLDEN CURLS?!"

"KIDNAPPED?!"

Eponine smiled as the two men glared at her and gave her the Glare-o-Death™. "Yes indeed," she said, "and it's really stinky. But not as stinky as my dad. He's the stinkiest one because he goes in the sewers and then doesn't even take a bath, so-"

"That's great!" Enjolras said hurriedly, to avoid whatever Eponine was going to say next.

"Oh…Ok then!" and leaning towards Enjolras, said worriedly, "the big scary man didn't hurt you, did he?!"

Enjolras rolled his eyes. "Aside from the fact that my head not only _feels_ like crap because he hit me over the head, it _looks_ and _smells _like it too, apparently, no, not really."

"Good! Now, M. Gillenormand, it was awfully nice of you to give us your couch to relax on. And you might want to throw it out, now. It has sewer stuff on it."

M. Gillenormand looked quite mad.

Enjolras said, "yes, and use it to do something useful with your bloody royalist life! Like build a barricade!"

M. Gillenormand said, "I suppose you're obsessed with Napoleon, too, then?"

Enjolras turned red with anger. "NO! I DO NOT LIKE NAPOLEON! I AM NOT Marius! Corsica is NOT great! It's an ISLAND! ERMAHGERD!" then he went on talking, but now no one could understand him. Ah well. Probably not too much gibberish.

Valjean, meanwhile, was looking depressed. "I brought back the wrong one! What shall I tell Cosette if her beloved Marius is dead!? Oh, woe is me! How wretched I am! Aahh! How stupid, foolish! I am such an awful excuse for a human being! Please, forgive me!" and other such things. For about 24601 pages. (see what I did there?! Didja?! Didja?!)


	11. Chapter 11

Bonjour Readers! MY NAME IS MARSEILLAIS! PSYCHO IS THE OTHER ONE

While he is doing this, we may as well go back to the barricade boys. It had turned into quite the scene. Currently, some…odd…things were happening.

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

CRUNCH.

"OWW!"

"HA!"

THUD.

"OOMPH!"

"TAKE THAT!"

"YOU TAKE THIS!"

CRACK.

"AAAH! OWIE OWIE OWIE!"

"HAHAHAHA!"

WHOOSH.

"YOU MISSED!"

Courfeyrac watched the fight with more relish than he probably should have, being the self-proclaimed leader and all.

"**CRACK!" **Bahorel hit the random person in the jaw, finally knocking him out. The rest of the barricade boys, otherwise known as Les Amis, started cheering.

"Woop! You showed him to mock the Republic!" shouted Grantaire. "Let's celebrate! Drinks all around!"

At which Courfeyrac tried very hard to give him the Glare-o-Death™. Unfortuently, he ended up cross-eyed instead.

Grantaire laughed at Courfeyrac. Courfeyrac joined in. "What he said! Drinks all around!"

Les Amis proceeded to discuss the obvious problem. They had no liquor, and the Corinthe had a barricade on it. This was quite a problem. So they trekked all the way to the Musain.

It was a very long half-mile trek.

First Bossuet fell down. Then Joly fainted at the sight of someone throwing up. Then Bahorel almost got into another fight. Courfeyrac stopped to flirt with every girl aged 14 to 20 they passed by. Then he lost his hat. Then they had to go look for his hat. Then Grantaire revealed that the hat was in his pocket. Then Bahorel almost got into another fight (with R). Then Jean Prouvaire shot Nerf darts at things and composed poetry. Then Bossuet fell down again. Then Feuilly saw a shop with a Polish flag. Then he went into the shop and had a discussion with the shopkeeper about how awesome Poland was. Then he sang the Polish National Anthem. Then he waved around the Polish flag. Then Courfeyrac hit him on the head with the Big Red Flag Of The Revolution. Then Bossuet fell down into some mud. Then Joly went on a rant about how many diseases he could get from touching Bossuet when asked to help him up. Then Grantaire shoved Joly into the mud. Then Joly screamed. Loudly. Then a random person shouted at them. Then Bahorel almost got into another fight. Then Jean Prouvaire shot some Nerf darts at things. Then he hit someone accidentally and cried because he didn't mean to. Then Combeferre had to try and make Jean stop crying. Then Jean stopped crying. Then Bossuet fell down. Then Combeferre told everyone they were crazy. Then Jean Prouvaire started crying again. Then Courfeyrac yelled at them all. Then Grantaire started singing "99 bottles of beer on the wall" and was joined by Bahorel and Bossuet. This continued until they reached the "37th" bottle of beer on the wall, at which point Courfeyrac started yelling again. Then he apologized for being so much like Enjolras and helped them get to "0" bottles of beer on the wall. Then Combeferre started quoting random books. Then Grantaire went on a rant about random mythical dead Greek people. Then he and Combeferre got into a debate. Then Bossuet fell down again. Then Courfeyrac asked him why he was always falling down. Then Bossuet replied that it wasn't _his_ fault he had bad luck. Then Courfeyrac, for lack of better things to do, started whacking people on the head with the Big Red Flag Of The Revolution. Then Feuilly started waving HIS (polish) flag around and singing the Polish National Anthem. Then Grantaire started singing an improvised version of "Do You Hear The People Sing", which he called, "Do You Want To Drink Absinthe". (If you want me to include the lyrics, tell me in a review.) Then Courfeyrac whacked Jean Prouvaire on the head with the Big Red Flag Of The Revolution. Then Jean started crying. Then all Les Amis started yelling at Courfeyrac for making Jean cry. Then Bossuet fell down. Then Joly said that he thought he was getting pneumonia. Then everyone told him he wasn't. Then Bahorel almost got into a fight. Then Bossuet fell down.

And _then_ they got to the Musain. Finally.


	12. Chapter 12

Bonjour Readers! First of all, let me say i am SO SORRY that i haven't updated! i really am! i included the song though-tell me what you think. And i know, i know, i need to update more of them. IM SORRY OK BUT I HAVE A LOT OF STUDYING AND STUFF TO DO WHAT WITH FINALS AND STATE EXAMS AND WHATNOT! Please forgive me! Anyway-

"What did we come here for?" asked Combeferre cautiously.

"DRINKS!" exclaimed R gleefully. And he proceeded to sing Do You Want To Drink Absinthe (which I have, as per your requests, helpfully included. I know, I know. It is very bad. But let us pretend it is brilliant, non?)

Do you want to drink absinthe?

Until you're so drunk you can't stand.

'Cause we just overthrew the king

With our little happy band.

When the beating of your heart

Echoes the snores and such about.

Then we will know you've done your part

When the drinks came out!

Will you join in my crusade

To drink and drink and drink some more?

Beyond the barricade

Is there a bottle; two; or four?

Then come now and join us so that we can party some more!

Do you want to drink absinthe?

Until you're so drunk you can't stand.

'Cause we just overthrew the king

With our little happy band.

When the beating of your heart

Echoes the snores and such about.

Then we will know you've done your part

When the drinks came out!

So Les Amis celebrated the revolution by mostly getting drunk, with the exception of Combeferre, Jean Prouvaire, and Feuilly (but only because halfway there he was knocked unconscious by Bahorel for jumping on a table and singing the Polish National Anthem). So, obviously, chaos ensued!

What kind of chaos? ...The crazy kind. Just re read that long paragraph from the previous chapter and apply it to the Musain.


	13. Chapter 13

But more of that later. Now….back to the others.

"…And that is why I am such a horrible, awful human being!" sobbed Valjean, a couple of hours later. Unnoticed by him, both Enjolras and Gillenormand had fallen asleep. Only Éponine was still sitting, apparently raptured.

"Wait," she said, "you said that when this inspector dude let you knock him out, you never came back? Or was that just metaphorical?"

Valjean looked sadly at Éponine and burst into tears again. "I'm- I'm afraid it wasn't metaphorical. Oh, how horrid I am!" He would have gone on further had Éponine not just then whacked him upside the head with a random knickknack. Then, she woke up Enjolras.

"Hurry," she hissed, "we have to get out of here. I knocked out the crazies and now all we need to do is escape!"

Enjolras looked at her like he regarded her as one of the "crazies".

"Are you mad?" he asked.

"No!" Éponine said defiantly, "and I don't care what the book says about me! I AM NOT MAD I TELL YOU."

"But…without me, the revolution must have failed! And that means I should be…dead or something!"

Éponine stared at him. "For a leader, you sure don't have a lot of optimistic thinking going on right now."

Enjolras rolled his eyes and replied, "then let's just go back to the Musain. If anywhere, that's where they would be I am sure."

Éponine nodded wisely and skipped out the door towards the café.

XXX

Back at the Musain…

"I wonder what Enjolras is doing," Combeferre quietly said to Jean Prouvaire (the others were all drunk and having a line dancing competition so the two wise ones were sitting quietly in the corner trying to avoid being hit with flying food and drink).

"I don't know. I suppose he's with that crazy old dude still."

"Hm. I think he would try and escape or something. It doesn't seem like Enjolras to just wait and do nothing."

"I suppose."

Just then, a large half-empty bottle of wine came flying from the rest of them, and a thundering voice shouted, "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? ALL OF YOU- GETTING DRUNK, PARTYING, WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? I THOUGHT THAT IF I LEFT OR WAS KILLED, COMBEFERRE WAS IN CHARGE! AND I SUPREMELY DOUBT THAT HE LET YOU DO THIS."

Combeferre surreptitiously slid down in his chair.

Courfeyrac bowed, tottered, regained balance, and slurred, "'Course, yer Majersty-hiccough-I put me in charge, heehee."

Enjolras looked about the back room of the café in disgust. Finally, his gaze settled on the two Amis sitting quietly in the corner. He stormed over.

"WHAT WERE YOU DOING?" he demanded.

"Um…," Combeferre started.

"Never mind."

And then Les Amis got a three-hour lecture.


	14. THE LOVE(CRAZINESS) NEVER DIES

Bonjour. Bye.

By and large, things got back to [the incredibly odd] normal.

Well, I am sorry to report this, but this story is about over. Enjolras eventually married Éponine, who became duo leaders of Les Amis. Courfeyrac was never the same again, but he never told anyone why. Javert changed his name, became a famous poet, and wrote lots of poetry. Edouard got his way and changed his name to Steve. Jean Prouvaire moved to the twenty-first century and started dating Marseillaise! Bahorel became a famous boxer, along with Grantaire, whom Enjolras somehow got to stop drinking.. But he refuses to tell how, so it's a mystery. I don't know how, make up your own conclusions. Just keep in mind the second sentence of this paragraph. Bossuet lost all his money at an accidental play in poker and moved in with Joly, who became a doctor and helped cure Cholera. Feuilly moved to Poland and helped them with a revolution. Gavroche….well…he and Navet started a two man rock band called Voyage. Marius and Cosette were married. M. Gillenormand lived happily ever after. Jean Valjean had an identity crisis and served the rest of his days at an insane asylum, along with M. Thenardier. Because he kept singing random lines from Oliver! And that's all. It has been fun, but all good things must come to an end. Au revoir.

"Let us sacrifice one day for, perhaps, a new world."

-Enjolras

nt here...


	15. ERP! WRONG! LOVE DIES VERY OFTEN!

**Marseillaise hijacked my story. And I am hijacking hers, and I am now even angrier at her because she named her final chapter after the puke that is the L-N-D word. So here you have ****_my_**** ending to the story. ****_Do_**** enjoy. All who know who Mamma Valerius is have earned my love forever.**

"And then...Les Amis...got a three-hour..."

"Now, now, little Edouard! Stop talking in your sleep!"

Edouard woke with a start. "Mamma Valerius?" For it was she, his old nursemaid.

"There, there, Eddy! It was all a dream, nothing but a dream!" Mamma Valerius smiled benignly down at him.

"But...but I was a convict...and...and all these men and...NERF GUNS!"

"My, my, but someone had too much chocolate before bed, didn't they?" She tsked, tucked him back into bed, and was nearly out the door when-

"Mamma Valerius?"

"Yes, dear?"

"I want to change my name. To...Joe...or something."

"Joe? Don't be silly. Edouard's a lovely name."

"Mmm..." Edouard was unconvinced.

"Just go back to sleep, love."

* * *

TWENTY YEARS LATER

"And then Bahorel got into another fight-"

"Ah..."

"Do you care for some more tea?"

"Thank you, but no. I've had quite enough."

"I hope I'm not boring you with my tale..."

"Oh, no! It's a fascinating dream, Monsieur Edouard."

"_Joe._"

"Joe. Sorry. Only..."

"What?"

"Are you sure there wasn't anything about Waterloo?"

"_Waterloo?_"

"Yes! Or...or, a convent! Was there anything about that in your dream, Edouard?"

"_Joe._ No."

"Pity...it would've been a great story otherwise."

"If you think so, Monsieur Hugo..."


End file.
